If the sufferer had *not* been subjected to teasing and criticizing or the verbal and physical abuse, would they still suffer from social anxiety and low self-esteem?
I don’t think so. They learned the behavior and therefore were trained to behave that way. All of the various and repeated attacks weakened their self-esteem and damaged their self-image. They see themselves as damaged. When it is beaten in to you day after day, you begin to believe it.
I hope this is making some kind of sense.
Characteristics of Bullying Victims
* Kids who typify victims of bullying appear to be anxious, self-doubting, and insecure.
* Bullying victims frequently report very low levels of self-esteem and a lack of confidence.
* Victims rarely stand up for themselves when confronted face-to-face by bullies.
* Bullying victims may lack social skills and friends and are often raised in overprotective households.
* Victims often are physically undersized and weaker than their peers.
* Contrary to popular belief, physical characteristics such as obesity, dress, or wearing eyeglasses have not been shown to be factors that correlate with victimization.
Victims suffer long-term consequences .
* Students who are bullied often see school as an unsafe and unhappy place. Seven percent of American eighth graders will stay home from school at least once a month because of bullying.
* Students who are already social outcasts may find themselves even lonelier when they become victims of bullying.
* Being a victim of bullying brings consequences that can follow an individual well into adulthood, including depression, low self-esteem, other mental health disorders, and, in rare cases, even suicide.
* Studies have found that victims who were bullied as children are more likely to be bullied as teenagers and adults.
Not in every case. This cause and effect is not justifiable. There are many people who have been bullied and the bullying gave them to guts to become tough and resilient. On the other hand some people are affected by it and it can ruin their self-esteem. I have a friend who was viciously physically abused by their father but their self-image remained intact. The abuse prompted them to not give in and to become tough. A lot of it depends on parents. If a parent teaches a child how to face adversity they will be resilient and vice versa. Emotional support when dealing with adversity can make the difference in someone’s life.
There are elements of both nature and nurture in the development and maintenance of social anxiety disorder.
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occupational hazard
I understand what you are saying, but not everyone that suffers from social anxiety disorder and/or low self-esteem were teased or abused.
Perhaps in some cases it can be learned, while in other cases the blame rests on the brain chemistry.
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i hope not
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It does and I do believe that people aren’t born with those problems. I believe that constantly put down, told you are stupid, kept away from others as a child and such, will definitely create this type personality.
They can be de-learned thought…..in my opinion.
Pops
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My thoughts
I have those two issues, but I wasn’t learned or teased or abused……. I just have my own problems that I am slowly breaking out of my shell…….
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i disagree with you, to an extent
while you do have a point that being picked on as a child may cause one to be shy, it is possible to be shy and not have your self-esteem hindered by others. For example: i was never picked on, everyone is nice to me, im not popular, but well-known, and i am shy. i hate big crowds (anything over 5) and i am no good in social situations. being shy can be a learned behavior, but it may be genetic like other personality traits
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My own personal experiences
I think it’s kind of both. But yes, I think it’s MORE learned. I used to have a step dad that beat the living shit out of me, and I was always the girl that was teased incessantly in middle school. After all those good times, you couldn’t even talk to me. I completely shut down. The best you might get was a dirty look. I would get so nervous, start sweating and get all red-faced if ever put on the spot. I would hate for people to ever talk to me, because the only thing that had ever happened to me when being talked to before was either teasing or the foreword to the beating. but through much struggling, I eventually became a bit more social, though I’ll never be a social butterfly. So I suppose that it can be unlearned as well…
And I would have stayed home from school every other day if home hadn’t been worse. So I ended up staying at the local library reading everything in there, and self-educating basically. So, most of the time I managed to get away from home and school. But, after my stepdad moved out, I did stay home from school at least once a week just because the thought of the jeering faces at school made me physically sick.
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Yes it is, kinda missed the question bit though,
Anyway, you said:
"beaten in to you day after day, you begin to believe it. "
You can, if you want, i thought:
"beaten in to you day after day, you begin to believe it."
No, I chose a life, my life. I am me and i will do and go where i want.
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i think if you were not very social when you were young then that is most likely what will happen later on in life.and your experiences around other people, whether positive or negative greatly influence that as well
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It makes perfect sense and from personal experience I can say it is true. Anyway, here’s a link to news story that might interest you. An experimenter in 1939 had the theory that stuttering was a learned behavior from being verbally criticized. She didn’t turn anyone into a stutterer, but did a pretty damn good job of screwing with their personalities.
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http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-08-26-stuttering_N.htm?csp=34
okay it makes since what you say but people can still feal all of that even if they were treated like a king there whole life like say for one depression is a chemical imbalance in you head to be shy because you were tormented isn’t the same as just being shy but you can still feel it and be popular all emotions can be brought on butt something but also every one feels them on there own i can be siting here happy then just go to being said without any reason but i agree some one who is abused can suffer these affects but not every one who is feels this some people go on after wards un affected in school all my life i was made fun of shure it dint feel good by i knew i was beater than them because i could walk away and i learned from it and now I’m a stronger person you can learn from it or suffer allot of it is your own choice
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alot of your feelings and thoughts were learned from your suffering – The book ‘ Mind Over Mood ‘ is cognitive therapy and will fix the thinking so you can do better in those situations over time
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i think some people just may be shy or anxious by nature due to the type of personality they have. the same goes for people who are naturally gregarious and social. because someone is anxious or shy doesn’t mean they have low self esteem necessarily. there are just some people whose comfort level around other people is lower than others. i’m sure for some people it is an esteem issue but there are also a lot of people out there with low self esteem that are just the opposite – loud and bombastic. anxiety can also be a mental thing due to chemical reactions in the brain. there are many reasons for shyness and anxiety but not all are related to learned behavior.
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i’m shy and have social anxiety but i have NEVER i repeat never been bullied/teased..i honestly can’t remember a time. i think the reason i have this is because my parents didn’t really socialize me while i was young… like from ages 1-4. yes i went to school during that time but i didn’t really have people over to the house, etc. and my parents always did all the talking for me. i also think that because I WAS so popular up until junior high i continued to think people were always judging me and caring about me etc. and when i met people and all of a sudden everyone i met didn’t like immediately like me and start talking to me it kinda was a shock and now i have social anxiety, sorry if it sounds like im bragging but im not i have a major shyness and social anxiety problem now as a result.
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Conditioned behaviours perhaps , but there is resolve , these "conditoined behavoiurs" can be overcome step by step with the right way of thinking , I for one have succeeded through all you have said and much MUCH worse , I have came a long way since then and have learnt so much about change because i try to be more confident and found i am how i feel about myself , YOU ARE HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF! Loving and accepting ourselves is THE MOST CRITICAL FACTOR in experiencing joy,happiness, and success in life. When you really love yourself and you really love other people, you find that life is really an incredible journey where things flow, and no matter what happens you always find a way to enjoy yourself and you feel fulfilled. You MUST love yourself completely.
This determines your STANDARDS for what you are willing to accept or settle for. It determines how well you treat your body and your health, how much money you feel you deserve to earn or feel you can make, your belief in whether you can achieve your goals, how much others RESPECT you and how they treat you, and even whether people like you and want to be around you. People love being around confident people. You see, confident people do not feel the need to judge you or tear you down in order to elevate their own self-worth. They radiate a positive energy. You feel safe around them. You need to consistently and confidently take action to move towards your goals, and towards your ultimate destiny. People who lack in confidence often get ‘stuck’. So you see, your entire DESTINY is shaped by your degree of confidence. True self-confidence comes from an absolute sense of certainty deep within, that you are able to handle anything life throws your way. Truly confident people exude calm, control, power, certainty. They care about people, and they make people feel good when they are around them.They never brag – after all, actions speak louder than words. People who brag are just masking their insecurities. People have varying degrees of confidence depending on what activity they are performing. For example, someone might be totally confident in performing a piano concert, or driving a car, but feel totally inadequate at a new job they’ve started, or at flirting with members of the opposite sex. People with Total Self-Confidence, though, have complete belief in themselves. They never ask themselves “Can I really do this? What if this doesn’t work out? Am I good enough to pull it off?” They know that if they really want something, and they are committed to getting it, it will happen. They know that it’s just a question of time until they’ve mastered the skills and knowledge to make whatever they want a reality
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Not in every case. This cause and effect is not justifiable. There are many people who have been bullied and the bullying gave them to guts to become tough and resilient. On the other hand some people are affected by it and it can ruin their self-esteem. I have a friend who was viciously physically abused by their father but their self-image remained intact. The abuse prompted them to not give in and to become tough. A lot of it depends on parents. If a parent teaches a child how to face adversity they will be resilient and vice versa. Emotional support when dealing with adversity can make the difference in someone’s life.
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http://www.audreymarlene-lifecoach.com/
In either case, this remains a self induced problem. Concerning how one sees themselves from the internal and emotional perspective. There may be some trauma in the early formative years which has an emotional basis and is stored within the mind. Reactions or responses coming from this level, are triggered by that embedded emotion.
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you definitely make good points. I am homebound due to much of which you mention. Not just those reasons, but for some of them.
Peace
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Shyness is not a learned behavior, preliminarily. A child’s disposition is genetically inherited, and reinforced by the environment wherein he or she is raised.
The behaviors that are learned that reinforce shyness to the point of isolation are where the problem lies. The solution to this problem is not giving teenagers or especially children, drugs for attention deficit, etc. when the child has just learned to daydream because he or she is isolating.
Human interaction is certainly complex, almost to the degree of the workings inside the brain. What should not be done is victimization, or feeling sorry for oneself and naming scapegoats. Life is hard for all of us. The victories in life go to those to persist and try over and over again, who fall down and get back up, and who are not afraid they are wrong and find a new way.
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BS Psychology
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