SocialAnxietyCares.com

By nature I am shy and dont open up. I think I get this from my father, which I dont get a long with because I resent him (i cant help it). When I have a kid I want to make sure she/he is confident and strong (my dad never enforced that on me). How can I make sure they will have good conversational skills, be strong & confident?

I think your line of thinking is correct, that we teach our children so much by example. If you’re worried that your own personality traits will develop by mere example in your child, perhaps you should work on changing those traits in yourself that you dislike. I don’t know for sure, but I’m thinking that if you’re overconcerned about your child developing social anxiety that you might end up creating just what you sought to dispel.

As a teen I realized that I had certain personality traits which were a direct result of my stepfather’s treatment. To say I resent him is putting it mildly, so that became my source of strength and determination in purging those traits from myself. It also helped me with parenting my sons, because I’m determined not to repeat what I experienced or be the cause of them feeling as I have felt. I hope that makes sense.

How do you overcome shyness to be more at ease in social situations? I have been this way all my life and it seems it will never go away. I know everyone probably has this to some degree, but I think I have it to a ridiculous extent. It’s keeping me from finding a job (the thought of dealing with people I know I can’t handle), hanging out w/ friends (when I would be uncomfortable), living in the dorms (with strangers)… I know people are not concerned with me, or looking at me as much as I think they are, but I still have this anxiety.
In class I won’t answer-it stops me from saying anything. It’s hard for me to speak when needed, and forget speeches..It would be so much easier for my life if I was just social, but even the thought of being a cashier at a store-it makes me nervous. It’s like a bomboarding feeling to me, I already feel inferior to people for some reason..how might one hold a job with this? Though that is my primary concern, how can one overcome shyness in general?

i had this problem for many years and it held me back from doing so much in my life. what i did and this will sound stupid i know…i would think of someone who i knew personally who was able to handle the situation i was going into…and i would pretend i was them…i would use their mannerisms and would act like i felt they would act. it takes a while to get it down pat…but it actually does work…now i am in situations and the person i want to act like is me…and i am very comfortable presenting to people even in different languages now…previously i would shake so bad a couple of times i went into seizures…just take your time and do small doses…start with your doctor…and be assertive…what is the worst thing that could happen? you would be embarrased? you already are anyway so nothing to lose…good luck!

I’d say playing a ‘host’ role. Once you’re a host, you forget about your own needs and care for others. It doesn’t mean that you have to really ‘forget’ your own need but you’d experience selflessness and become aware of how to treat other people nicely and wated them to be happy and then you’ll feel relax and enjoy the company. Self-confidence will grow and loving kindness will arise together with decreasing anxiety.

My doctor recommended I go into a residential treatment facility for social anxiety disorder for several weeks. She didn’t really know where was good though. I was wondering if there were any really good treatment places for it in the U.S.

Hi Linnea,

Sebastiaan here

I’ve suffered from social anxiety disorder for over 5 years and am now completely healed. I have no social anxiety anymore. This is possible for you as well. And for anyone reading this for that matter…

I’ve experienced almost all of the possible options for therapy and would like you to give you the best two out there.

One of the ways -which your doctor probably advised you- is CBT.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is based on the premise that thoughts cause feelings. And that your feelings affect your behavior. The therapy uncovers negative thinking, irrational beliefs and unwanted behaviors that cause your negative emotions.

These negative thoughts, beliefs and behaviors first get identified. Once that’s achieved the approach is to replace these with more rational, positive ones.

This in turn changes the way you think about social situations that give you anxiety. And as a result you’ll feel better, can think more clearly, and make better decisions.

Aside from that, CBT teaches you how to control the physical symptoms of your anxiety through various relaxation and breathing exercises.

And CBT also focuses on exposure therapy.

This is where you will systematically desensitize yourself to social situations you fear.
Together with your therapist you think of a social situation that you might fear.

For example saying hi to a colleague. Before facing the situation in real life you work with your therapist to minimize the amount of anxiety you experience when thinking about the fearful situation.

Then once you feel confident enough to face it in real life, you take the step and "expose" yourself to the situation.

Once you feel comfortable doing that, you go on to the next step. You slowly but surely expose yourself to more and more social situations. But you get less anxious and more and more confident the more situations you are able to face.

An additional form of social anxiety treatment in CBT is group therapy for social anxiety.

Here you practice role-playing and other methods to improve your social skills. This lessens your anxiety as you feel more competent and confident in your social abilities.

CBT is the most recognized form of therapy and will get you results. However, the downside is that it is expensive and that it is hard and challenging work. Plus you are not guaranteed to completely recover…

A program that you doctor might have referred you to (I’m not related to this program) is this one:

http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/international.html

…

The second form of therapy -which I have experienced and am certified in- is called EFT. This stands for Emotional Freedom Technique.

It’s a psychological form of accupuncture yet instead of using needles you use the finger tips to stimulate specific meredian points on the body. It’s a weird looking technique, yet in the hands of a skilled professional extremely effective. We’re talking above 95% success rates here!

I was extremely skeptical in the beginning myself as well, but I have applied it to myself successfully, have undergone training and have healed over a hundred people of several different emotional issues. Including social phobia’s…

I have struggled for years and have worked very hard and intensively trying to solve my social anxiety using all sorts of psychology approaches, herbs, affirmations, hypnosis, NLP etc.

And I made progress with them for sure. But after years of trying very hard I only solved maybe 40% of my social anxiety. EFT helped me within months to clear the remaining 60%.

Trust me, this stuff really works.

The premise of EFT is that "the cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body’s energy system."

And when you tap on specific meridian points on your body while being focused in on your "problem", the disruption in your energy system gets balanced out and due to that the negative emotions disappears.

I know, you now probably think I lost it…

…Or that I’m some weird airy-fairy woo-woo guy that believes in ghosts and fairy tales.

But seriously, this weird technique is an amazing form of social anxiety treatment. In fact, I believe it to be the most effective form of social anxiety treatment out there.

It’s fast, painfree and extremely effective. You experience relief and will feel better after only one session (though completely overcoming your SAD takes several more sessions).

I have a video on youtube where I explain how it works and where I guide you through the process.
You might want to have a look and try it for yourself. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jnlu1DaHLo# )

I offer a coaching package called "Social Anxiety to Social Confidence Guaranteed" on my site. Here I coach you 1 on 1 via skype (getting coached from the comfort of your own home and the ease of sitting behind your PC) to social confidence within 3 months. Guaranteed.

For the exact details, go here:

http://www.social-anxiety-solutions.com/cure-social-anxiety.html

I have had social anxiety disorder for about 5 years now. I have even filed for SSI because I just can’t seem to overcome it, and it definately affects my day-to-day life. However my education is leading me to a very social career path, and I really need to work to get over this anxiety problem. I never used to be like this before I had my first child, and I don’t know why I can’t seem to shake it now. What sort of things can I do to possibly ease myself back into being social?
Oh, and the reason I don’t want medication is because I’ve tried 2-3 meds and either they haven’t worked, or I become a zombie. I have 3 young children to take care of, I can’t be experimenting with meds.

Try to gradually work with yourself in getting into social situations. Do one on one contacts, just being a part of a group, knowing several people together, larger groups etc. The idea is to succeed with less difficult situations and gradually gain some confidence that you are willing to try the next step.